I WAS HATCHED
I remember going through a period when I was ten frantically looking In the mirror trying to scrub my freckles off. My uncles used to tease me that I was going to turn into one big freckle and it terrified me. I hated my red hair and freckles and the teasing would just send me around the bend. I’m comfortable with my mane these days but it took years to get here!
I would look at all my family and think I don’t look or act like any of them, I must be adopted! I drove my Mom nuts for almost a year begging her to tell me who my real parents were. One day I knew I had pushed her to the limit because she threatened to “tan my ass”. I knew I had better begin my research on finding my real family in a more discreet manner.
I “interviewed” everyone on my Dad’s side and all they would come up with was how much I resembled their side of the family. I couldn’t see it and would spend more hours in the mirror trying to see the family nose, chin, eyes. There was no one that had these green eyes that sat so ridiculously big on my face. Try as I might I could not get straight answers from anyone.
Through the years I knew my ideas, thoughts and actions were incomprehensible to them. I’ve learned that you can’t force family members to see life through your eyes and you can’t pretend to relate to them without shrinking yourself. I yearned to belong, to be part of the pack. And the old adage “blood is thicker than water” is true, it’s a sense of genetic, or programmed loyalty that none of us can ever discard. I still get pulled irresistibly to the prairies where I was born and feel settled when I’m there more so than anywhere else I have lived during my life.
I have learned to set judgement aside when connecting with them, that’s the hard part. I see the spirit within and usually can connect with my heart. I will speak my truth, to a point, I can fit in better that way. I also tell myself it’s important to honour each and every family member in their uniqueness.
I have shook my colours wildly, especially these past few years and I’ve garnered a tribe around me where I fit in these days. We are not blood related but we are like a puzzle, we fit! And how is anyone supposed to recognise me if I’m pretending to be someone else anyhow?
Life is a garden of possibilities…. Just keep germinating yourself!!