Bargaining with God


I have loved someone enough with all my heart and soul that I would give my life in place of theirs. I have even bargained with God, he didn’t listen. And when that didn’t work I begged him to take both of us. That prayer wasn’t answered either. It made me realize even more so that he has his own plan for each of us individually.

I haven’t asked God for much but I did turn to him in that time of desperate need and perhaps that’s why he chose to let me figure a few things out for myself. I had many one sided conversations with him and most of them ended in solitary tears. I finally decided that if my prayer wasn’t stamped with approval, he was giving me a firm No and he had something else in mind for me.

It’s taken me a long time to  learn it’s o.k. to be disappointed when God doesn’t give me what I want, but I must not forget to be grateful when he’s given me what I need.

copyright Es-tee Miller

“Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees”. ~Victor Hugo

About redcontroversy

I'm a stargazing,skywatching,storm loving, sungazing addict. Environmentalist, political blogger, professional photographer, writer, artist...my favourite quote is: "If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive". ~ Eleonora Duse ~ ...my soul is definitely alive.
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  1. KJ says:

    Time heals all wounds…. voice of experience

  2. Bitsy Coulston says:

    one of the hardest things to comprehend about God and prayer is that He is always there, always listening, and always answers. not always in ways we had hoped for, or asked for…but in ways He knows are best. one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11….”for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future……” i have held this verse dear to my heart for many years. He does have a plan for us. sometimes our choices in life throw His plan off course, but, it doesn’t alter the fact that He has one, and if we listen to Him, it will be a wonderful plan. love your writings, dear friend….please don’t stop!! love you! 🙂

  3. BRUNO says:

    Your depth blows me away. Amazing insight Es-tee. You are a complicated and beautiful soul. Bruno

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