My coffee muse this morning..A recent argument with my daughter in law, our first ever which has caused me a lot of heartache made me think of past family rifts that took a lot longer to resolve than the one with my daughter in law. I’m elated that we have put that to rest respectully for both our sakes and my grandchildren who mean the world to me. But do you ever think about your friends or even yourself who are feuding with family members? I had an extremely tough situation on my hands for many years, they simply did not like my husband. It essentially came down to choosing him or them. You can tell from my stories that I chose him. I tried blending them almost like a recipe in the beginning, a little bit of this and that and I hoped the outcome would be a delicious cheese cake. Instead it curdled and was completely inedible. Years of estrangement, it’s amazing what happens when even your own Mother won’t talk to you. The guilt you carry around is incredible, add that to a husband who knew he wasn’t liked! I felt many days that I should just divorce them all and go live my life.
It became more and more baffling to me how they could all hold these grudges, I could not understand it. So then I would try and buy them all, I became the bearer of gifts, that didn’t work either. Finally I threw the cards in and decided to live my life with my partner. I lost a lot by doing that, years of comaraderie with my Mom, we had always been close, more like sisters. My kid sister who can take a bone and chew it, spit it out and regurgitate and start all over again!
Living with family estrangement is extremely painful. Healing and recovery from it can take a long time, if ever. I can say that there is now peace and personal reconciliation but it’s been a rough and rocky road to get here. Playing the victim doesn’t help either, it completely takes your power away. Your reaction to their actions is important. I had to choose what I wanted to experience, stand up and get my power back.
Sounds easy doesn’t it?
Copyright Es-tee Miller
“Being a family means you are part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what”….